Well that was disappointing. Just one episode to go until the break and we got exactly ONE good scene this week. And several that just made me cuss at my tv.

We open with the trash people, who open the door to Rick’s container cell only to have his stand, in his boxers, and pose for old-timey photographs. And is that dude with the pad actually drawing Rick? You’d think that was too ridiculous, but indeed he is. Why? ‘Sculpt you. After‘, says Jadis, and apparently the show is very keen on making these junkyard people artsy. Ugh. What’s even the point? Unless they become a permanent fixture on the show after the war (and if they do, I’ll just quit watching), I don’t really give a shit what their many quirks are.

Meanwhile, we get a shitload of Eugene this week, and the more we saw of him, the worse it got. Not only does his bizarre speech pattern s becoming increasingly incomprehensible, to the point where I need close captions to watch him (and that annoys me to no end), but also everything he said and did was utterly redundant in terms of character development. We already knew he’s a cowardly self-serving piece of shit. (And yes, I realize I’ve said ‘shit’ 3 times already but damn it’s aggravating).

We did learn something new this week though: Gabriel wasn’t faking it after all, he has an infection and it looks bad. How can they not have drugs? Didn’t they get all the supplies from the Hilltop when they took Dr. Carson? Why would he need to look for alternative meds at the marketplace? As stupid as this is, I can’t really focus too much on it, a) because Dr. Carson never reapparead this week and b) because Eugene was being a prick about Gabriel. “I get it but I shan’t forget it”, really? By my count, he’s the one who betrayed his people, not the other way around.

We also learned that Morgan was one of the snipers outside the Sanctuary, which is good news but also makes no sense. Who was in his place while he was with Jesus and Tara and the rest?

Again, no time to ponder the inconsistencies because one of Negan’s wives wants Eugene to fix her boombox. Sure, because that’s what you do when you’re surrounded by walkers with dwindling supplies. Also, who says boombox in 2017? In any case, she lays a well-deserved guilt-trip on Eugene but he’s still being a dick.

Meanwhile, Rosita is having second thoughts about joining Daryl and Tara in their plan. Which isn’t really a plan at all – they want to drive Daryl’s truck into the Sanctuary to let the walkers inside. Michonne also seems doubtful, but apparently “she started this” so she has to see it through, though I can’t for the life of me remember how exactly SHE started it. In any case, everything about this is so freaking inconsistent. Rosita is all about Rick’s plan now, which I guess was somewhat explained away by her regretting her part in Sasha’s capture and eventual death. Tara’s explanation for her gung-ho attitude, however, makes much less sense: she didn’t speak up about Oceanside so now she wants to go renegade. How is this better? If showing loyalty to a group of strangers instead of her friends was wrong, how is messing with Rick’s plan okay? Ugh. At least Michonne finally sees the light and takes off. And is Daryl this desperate, by the way? Of all the people in Rick’s group, Tara’s been the most useless of the bunch, but apparently he trusts her to do this?

Inside the Sanctuary, Negan is still his delusional self: all these people might die, but not him. He’s too good at this. Okay then. That, plus his blind faith in Eugene’s brains, paints him as a total dumbass, and considering the show has taken great pains to portray him as cunning, it’s yet another plot point that makes no sense. Still, Eugene leaning in to kiss his hand was funny, so there’s that.

Eugene’s been working on Tanya’s boombox and he gets an idea. He goes down to the basement to find the ipod he’d given Sasha (and seriously, no one grabbed that? Really?) and builds a device that’s basically a smaller, flying version of the ‘fat lady’ Daryl & co destroyed last week. It still doesn’t explain why NO ONE mentioned the fat lady in this episode: both those Saviors were killed so as far as Negan and the rest know, they’re on their way to the Sanctuary. Do the writers just forget what happens week to week?

Ah, whatever. I can’t even anymore. Dwight shows up as Eugene is about to launch his flying ipod and tries to talk some sense into Eugene by appealing to whatever loyalty he had to Rick and the others. Apparently he had none: they were just ‘former traveling companions, nothing more‘. Fuck you, Eugene. I hope you die.

Sadly, Dwight doesn’t push Eugene over the ledge or shoot him in the head. But it’s not just Negan who isn’t that smart: for all this nerdy brains, he fails to see option #3 and Dwight just shoots the damn ipod as soon as it takes off. Eugene is also pretty delusional: “I will survive, it’s all I know how to do“. Wrong, it’s all people around you know how to do and you just tag along.

Despite the week-to-week inconsistencies, at least the writers remembered to bring up a loose thread from a couple of seasons ago: Eugene’s ability to make bullets. And he chickens out and doesn’t rat out Dwight at the last minute, so there’s that. I still want him to die a miserable death, especially if he’s gonna use the game-changing bullet factory against his own (former) people.

Finally, back at the junkyard, we get a replay of Rick Vs. Winslow 2.0. (Was it Winslow? Winston? I can’t be bothered to check). Apparently no one in that writer room realizes how lame this entire plot line is, but at least we got a semi-naked Rick doing some badass fighting. With his hands tied! He’s this close to feeding Jadis to the decapitated Winslow and yet again the show lets me down and he doesn’t go through with it. But at least now she agrees to join him. They haggle over Negan’s stuff for a bit and agree on 1/4. “And I sculpt you after“. In the buff, no less. Jeez, beat that to the ground why don’t you?

Rick explains his plan, which is nothing more than what we’d all assumed: they’d just show up at the Sanctuary together to show their strength in numbers and demand surrender. Wow, did you really think of all of this yourself? If this was all they had in mind, why all the freaking secrecy? I’m pissed.

Sigh. I don’t even want to recap this any more, but here goes: Rick and the trash people show up at the Sanctuary and none of the snipers are responding on the radio. Rick climbs up to check the yard and finds all the walkers gone.

Someone please explain how all of this makes sense. Did all the walkers go inside? Where the hell are the snipers? Why wouldn’t Daryl and Tara wait around to see what happens when the walkers got in? Surely the Saviors would have bigger fish to fry than to look for them.

It’s stupid, is what it is. Obviously the only reason Daryl and Tara had to go rogue was to fuck up Rick’s plan with the trash people, which would have been unnecessary if they hadn’t introduced that entire storyline in the first place. So now we’re a week before the mid-season finale and got a whole lot of Eugenisms, the awful trash people and no real plot advancement. Great. I’d say I’m hoping for something big next week, but it looks like Negan’s about to score a win and we’ll have to wait a couple of months before our guys can strike back, because of course they have to stretch out the Negan storyline over the whole season.

If I weren’t so OCD (and loyal) when it comes to my shows, I would have quit TWD long ago. As things stand, I might do just that if next week’s episode is as big a dud as this one.

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